Guest post by Farnoush Davoudi, mother of an Autistic girl.
Did what you read in the previous post feel familiar? Do you ever sense that your child’s school could provide more meaningful support — but simply isn’t willing to?
Here are some of the lessons I wish I had never had to learn.
Now that I have, I hope they serve a purpose — for our children, and for ourselves.
Make Sure You’re Facing Unwillingness
During my daughter’s early elementary years, I experienced firsthand what it was like working with an unwilling school team. We had only been in Canada for a little over two years, and I was still unfamiliar with the education system. I also lacked confidence in interpreting people’s behaviour within a new cultural context.
Reaching out for neutral perspectives — from an inclusive education advocate, a consultant, and experienced parents — helped me clarify my concerns and assess whether the school’s actions and goals genuinely reflected my child’s best interests.
As parents, we must stay alert so that our children’s critical learning opportunities are not lost to systems — or individuals — who are unwilling to make a meaningful effort.
At the same time, it is important not to mistake other forms of resistance for unwillingness. Misinterpreting these signs can weaken trust and make rebuilding collaboration even harder. When unsure, seeking neutral perspectives can bring clarity and confidence to move forward constructively.
Your Advocacy Compass
If you believe the school team is unwilling to provide the support your child needs, the next challenge is advocating effectively while staying grounded.
Once you’ve ruled out systemic or resource limitations, it’s time to step up advocacy and push for accountability. As you do, you may notice the school team becoming more defensive. Holding on to clarity, confidence, and composure may feel harder — which is exactly why you need an internal compass:
To keep your seat at the table and your voice strong, stay focused, informed, and grounded.
Stay centred on your child.
This isn’t about winning arguments — it’s about building a path that allows your child to learn, grow, and thrive. If something doesn’t serve that mission, it isn’t worth your time or energy.
Know your child well.
Understand what helps them learn, what overwhelms them, and what supports their growth. This helps you advocate for what truly matters.
Learn the education system — and your rights.
The more you know, the more empowered you are to create real change — and the less disorienting the process will feel.
Don’t do it alone.
Advocacy is exhausting. Connect with other parents, support groups, or a counsellor. Community helps you stay steady and reminds you that you are not alone.
Keep Everything in Writing
Once you’re grounded in your advocacy, the next step is ensuring that action follows intent. One of the most powerful tools for this is simple:
Put everything in writing.
Written records create clarity and accountability for everyone involved.
Save all emails, meeting notes, progress reports, and letters. If an accommodation or strategy is agreed upon, ask that it be written into the IEP or captured in meeting notes. Without written documentation, details can easily be forgotten, dismissed, or misunderstood.
After informal conversations — such as hallway chats or phone calls — send a short follow-up email:
“Thank you for discussing [topic] today. Here is a summary of what we agreed upon so we’re on the same page: [brief summary].”
Good records protect your child, maintain transparency, and ensure follow-through.
Be Clear About Priorities
Once documentation is in place, the next challenge is keeping the focus on what truly matters.
A fellow parent shared that his son’s school limited his attendance to only three hours per day due to “toileting issues.” His child avoided public washrooms and sometimes squatted instead of sitting.
When the family asked the school to address these challenges within his educational programming — rather than restricting his attendance — the team reluctantly inserted an IEP goal:
“Sit properly on the toilet seat.”
But posture wasn’t the real priority.
The real priority was helping the student feel comfortable and able to use public washrooms.
We must ensure that superficial responses don’t replace meaningful solutions. A way to redirect such conversations might be:
“I’d like to explore strategies to help my child feel comfortable using public washrooms.”
Check In on Progress
Once priorities are clear, you must ensure the plan is actually working.
Regular check-ins help keep agreed-upon goals and strategies on track and responsive.
Pay attention to your child’s everyday experiences — not just academic performance, but also comfort, confidence, and independence. These often tell you more about whether support is effective than formal reports.
If you notice strategies aren’t being implemented or aren’t helping, raise the concern and discuss adjustments early.
Know When to Escalate
If repeated attempts to resolve issues at the school level fail, it may be time to escalate — calmly and systematically — through the appropriate channels.
Start with the classroom teacher, then the school principal, followed by the district’s inclusive education coordinator, and, if necessary, the assistant superintendent or superintendent.
These individuals have both the responsibility and the authority to make meaningful decisions.
Don’t let fear of retaliation hold you back.
If the school is genuinely committed to supporting your child, escalation won’t change that. If they are not, escalating may be necessary to open new pathways for support.
Reserve outside channels — such as the media, legal advice, or the Human Rights Tribunal — for last. These routes are time-consuming and emotionally draining. It is often more effective to first work within the education system.
Throughout any advocacy effort, allies make a tremendous difference. If you consider moving beyond the school system, trusted support becomes even more critical. Local or provincial advocacy organizations can help you understand your rights, determine whether escalation is needed, prepare documentation, and guide you step-by-step.
Even with all these strategies, working with people who do not share your perspective is never easy — especially when it determines whether your child receives essential support.
If you’re navigating challenging conversations with your child’s school, remember:
Advocacy requires wisdom, not just passion.
Be assertive without being combative.
Hopeful without being naïve.
May you remain steady, clear-headed, compassionate, and unwavering in advocating for your child’s right to meaningful education.
P.S. Curious about the good days — how we went from nearly giving up to celebrating real teamwork? Wondering how I eventually found an amazing school team for my daughter — the famous “opportunistic onboarding”?
Don’t miss my next post!